Why am I being made to feel like I am being blamed for being a liar, when all I wanted to do is to show you I cared. When I send you msgs, it is hard to get a reply from you. You always seem busy, I don't want to carry the guilt of being persistently annoying. As you said, your time is yours and neither is my time yours. Since you said it, I am always in a pinch. I wanted to check out on you but I can't. I do not wish to interfere. I already made it known to you that you can look for me instead as I am always around. But you didn't. Now it may seem i cared lesser and lesser, how is it possible for me to ask a question when getting an answer itself would take so much. you asked me to accompany you, when did i say no? You said you cared, you said you would look for me, but did you? i had always waited for you. I do not need to come and tell you I had a bad day, you had enough of your own headaches already.  you said much to me about your problems. i dont want to trouble you with mine as you are filled with yours. ok fine, i dont wanna think too much. i tell myself ur bz and stuff.  if you truly truly mean what you say, please dont just say it becoz u jz say it, but say it bcoz u wud do as you said. i no longer want to hope for anything you said anymore, becoz id made myself crazy when i do.

i am sorry if what i had expressed to you b4 this made u feel cold as if it wasnt real. but i would tell you, i dont intend to disturb you with this silliness of mine, i can only keep quiet most of the time, bcoz you always give me the sense of you are troubled with serious things. look, i am not trying to be a hero trying to help you, a damsel in distress, i am just caring because i wanted to and becoz i really do. i am immature i know. that is why i remained silent most of the time. when i wanted to share, you dont seem interested. i can only say to myself you have things troubling in ur own mind. i dont need you telling me how/what i be doing, instead id b glad if you would ask how. you once said, talking to me is like talking to a wall, as if i nvr listen to what you say. this time around, i would really listen. i am sorry if i dont make you feel warm or needed, this situation does not allow me to. i nvr intend to be selfish and stuff with what i feel, that is what i want to say. and yes nobody asked for this kinda thing, i am the one doing it, you nvr asked for it, so it is not your responsibility to take.

you may or may not say what u said to me, but i know i am one of them who ate the chilli. it burns me. i did not commit another man's crime, i dont want to be blame nor do i want to pay for it. its sad i have to reach such a stage, such a state where i wud seem so emo and desperate. becoz if i dont feel this way, i can only tell you, i no longer give a damn. i hate it when i have to come clean and say things out like these. i am not proud. bcoz when i do so, things would change, and i would see alot of "trying" instead of things that comes from the heart.