T'wasn't a delightful situation to myself, semester ended, I have faced these 3 and I've great realisation and self reflection on how these affects me. At first, I was passionate, at the start I said I wanted to change. Ok fine, so I need something to gear up for a change. So I said to myself, atleast change on the amount of input I had to put on my work. It started off great, words came, spirits up, morale’s up. It was of a passion I had spoken to myself years ago and now I am to fulfill it.. I was preppin’ up early. Early planning came upon on what has to be done for the bigger things to come. Along came the way, ups and downs. Skills and abilities challenged. Morale has it’s fluctuation, but what can I do but a mere human.
Along the way, then came the dream. A dream I had longed for since awhile. Something I could hope for. A dream that I once thought that would or could boost my morale. Along the way, I traveled carelessly. I was uncertain of the direction I was headed on. I was spending time dreaming of things that was uncertain. Of things that promises nothing but only something that one has to suffer the consequences if one had failed to oversee the other side many has not been able to see. And so I failed to do so as well until it’s too late.
As I was drifting away, I came to realize, that I had always been in the midst of battle. Time is running up, supplies are low, morale shattered. I came to realize too late, I was at the verge of crushing my own passion, pursuing nothing. And at the same time doing harm to those I cared for and those who cared for. I was forced in a situation to play with luck, make or break. Somehow this time around as always, I managed to push my luck once more and made it through. And it is this time around. I sensed that I have pushed it far enough. It was not worth it, even though I hadn’t had been forced to repay for it. But I am very sure it will be something I couldn’t afford. I have seen enough men who had their greed put up to them, always pushing their lucks and has seen the consequences they had befall upon themselves. It was unsightly. I have no intention of reaching that state. Usually it will be to the point of no return. It’s not worth it at all.
I really need to wake up now. Now or never. I no longer want to take any more chances at the expense of others and also risking my own. There will no longer be anymore next time. I am pretty sure, I have already pushed my luck this far, and it would want me to pay the consequence the next time I need to rely on it. Feels like it’s the 5th tick on the Russian roulette, the next one is the “lucky” shot.
So, what are actually these 3? I wont mind sharing what I see in these 3, however, I may or may not be right. But I sure do hope it would change opinions. For I myself, I am desperate to have my own changed. Most importantly, I am writing these to remind myself to rid of what is unnecessary and take upon what is.
Luck
Luck, who hasn’t heard of it? Different words has been used to speak of it’s properties. It is something, where the reward is seemingly gratifying and pleasuring, but if it became otherwise it will always never something we could afford to pay back. It is always something, we would risk. Either of our own, or worst, at the expense of others. Many people seem to like to play with it. Taking their chances with it. Exciting it seems, but stupid it is. So little effort yet so much gain, but infact it is actually much more to be lost than gained. It is too much to bargain for. Luck is something that is existing on planet Earth. Everything on earth, have their form of balance. Take too much, it will take you back. It’s not fun to play Russian roulette. You can laugh about surviving the shot, but, who is the one laughing when you get the lucky shot. Let’s not mingle too much in this.
Dreams
Don’t we all have one? Dreams are only but shortlived. It seemingly promises good hope and comfort for most, but it is also one that would seemingly go the other way round. It is also the source of nightmares when one placed too much hope on it. When one dabbles with dreams, one has to realize that dreams are never meant to be something one should place their hope and wish upon. Dreams are nothing but self inflicting. It’s something one can see from afar. Dreams are fables, destination with golden paved roads, where the golden apple trees line themselves along the way. Wonderful to think about. That is just about it.
Passion
Passions are paths we choose to take. The kind of way we always chose to be on. We are always on the go with it. We have a place to go to. Equipping and gear up with the necessities we need through the journey. Always seeking to understand the path we take. We take whatever we find along the way and make use of it. Slow and painful but atleast we know we have a path to go. We worked for it. We don’t take our luck on it, thus we gain on what we go through, and if we are to pay, we can afford it. We don’t dream about it, because we know ourselves just how hard we worked to get there. If it is not something we deserve, we know why. We need not be shattered if we are not able to attain it. Most importantly, what path we want to choose to be traveling on. Simple ones seem to have very complicated end, because you have not deal with it. Complicated paths seem to have simple ends, because you have understood the complicating ones. Things at the end became simple. It will forever never have a destination we had dreamed on or tried our luck on, but it will always be one that we have grown into through the paths we chose.
