I used to tell my friends, trying ain't natural. Like my buddy MikeT used to say, keep it real :P I'd say "tru..tru..." While another says atleast "I tried". Well, I can only say, thanks for trying but it ain't working, hun.
One thing is I am very sensitive to hearts that are trying. Its almost as soon as when the person starts to do so, it annoys me. I can't feel or see the intention behind it. Many don't get the concept of it, so I'll just spare a moment, of why I take it this way.
It's not to say when one tries to do something, its pretentious. It just don't feel natural. It does not carry the true substance of intention that the person truly wants to do what they are trying to do. When one tries, unnatural act kicks in. Something of that is not of their true nature. When you want to try, you tend to have doubts and various thoughts tend to kick in. It would alter your heart's intention. Your eyes starts to look different, your body language starts to tell, most of all your words aren't able to sync with what you are trying to do.
I was having this chat with my classmate. Chatting with him makes me sad. He tries too hard to do so. Talks that doesn't matter starts to kick in. The kinda talks that does not have substance or elements. It has no feeling to it. It is just plain, dry.
Same goes to our work. When we know we are trying to do it. We shud already know, its never gonna be what it shud be. Almost there but no there. It's sad. Not a thing that we can always practice. Sometimes we just don't have the idea and we are forced to try. Sometimes it is just excusable and understandable when it comes to certain situation.
I'm a dead straight kinda person. I ain't a actor. I act what I felt in my heart. If I ain't happy, I'll choose to be that way till I decided to be happy. But when one person really got themselves into making me happy. I am truly deeply happy and grateful for their presence. The last thing I need is one to try to make me feel the way they wanted me to feel. It's a very sad situation to me. I'm really sorry to say, I don't see your heart in doing so, I can't accept it and its gonna end up making urself hurt. I rather one not to try, when you clearly know you are trying. Keep it to yourself, there is always another day. I wont blame you, neither wud anyone who knows the real you. I can't pretend, that you are not trying. It eats into my heart and I cant and won't be quiet about it. Because I had seen more than the eyes could see. I can't deny such facts.
Just a quick constant reminder to myself.
Keep things real. Do as you want to do. Be sure about it. Just go for it.
