"Do you still remember me?"

"I'm becoming a monster..."

"Would you save me from myself?"

I've been reflecting and reflecting, is this the aftermath of it all? Is this who I should be? I don't know...It felt as if I am trying really hard to break away from my old self. All I have been ever since, is a big flirt. I flirt, I call names that used to mean alot to me, I say words that used to speak a whole lot about my heart and I seek comforts that used to be something special. It's as if everything that used to have meaning to me now becomes a game to me. It's all for the means of having fun. It's no longer about what's from within.I speak of hatred towards love. I'm becoming what I hated the most. Is this the effect of me trying hard to ditch away my old self? 

"It felt as if, as if I was engulfed by the flames I created, and as it consumes everything that I believed in and right now I only know how it is to burn. I kept playing with fire. It knew this day would come, I knew, I will never be prepared to face all of these. I fear it so much, I really really tried my best to give in all I can to avoid it. But it's inevitable... It's turning me into a monster... This fire will surely lead me to somewhere worst..."

And for that duration, everything was so messed up. Emotions kept fluctuating, memories kept playing back. At any given moment, when you think back, you instantly break down. Suicidal thoughts kept surfacing. The struggle to strip away the misery. The emotional turmoil. It's like the nights that when you over looked the balcony, you could feel a gush of emotional wind dragging you and sucking you off the balcony telling you all these would stop when you're no longer alive. I am glad all of these had stopped. It was stupid, seriously stupid. Kept telling myself. It's not the first time but why am I taking it in such a bad manner?

"The struggle begins again, deep down I know, my old self has failed and died. Right now, it felt even harder... My heart is becoming an ice cold rock. Each pulse sends a cold tension around the body. It's horrible. It's as if you're infected with rabies, you become a monster within, you isolate in misery."

Words of my Conscience.