Dear Suria,
I really hope you would spend the time to read this. It has been 2 days since that conversation we had about things. These 2 days, I haven't been sleeping well, I couldn't focus on the things I am working on. I've been thinking, bout things like, if we were ever gonna be working things out, am I on the right track, or will you give me a chance? After all those thinking, I start to feel lost, I know that is not the way I want things to work out. I looked back at how things has been and I searched deeper into my heart. Up until that conversation, I had never thought of those things. I guess I was too caught up in the aftermath of it. I kept thinking bout our possible relationship I never seem to went deeper and looked at what's going on. Different from my initial intention, b4 that everything on my mind is to cheer u up, all I wanted is to see u smile. Clearly I know things has not been going all fine with you, the things that you have gone through. I know deep down in my heart I really <3 u alot but then I should not just be thinking of myself. I know I have been waiting for 4 years to actually start to feel for somebody this strong, I am not gonna behave in that selfish manner. I'm never expecting u to return any favor or whatsoever. All I ever wanted deep inside is for u to smile and be bright about the things you want.
I never meant to put any pressure on your shoulders, I'm sorry if I had. But all I wanted is to keep track of you and your well being. I've no intention to be pestering you on how you should be feeling. I know at times, what I had said to you, I seem to be blinded by my own thoughts, I'd want to apologize for that.
I realized you needed a friend more than a lover, the kind of friend that would hear you out and understands you from within. For now I can only feel and say that I haven't really had done enough of that there is still more for me to find out. But as a friend, I would and I am willing to do so. As a person of my age, I should be clear of the fine line between friends and anything more than that. For now I just want to fulfill that part. I don't think you are ready or is secure enough to give your heart out and neither am I ready to bear the weight of it but if that day were to come, I'd say I'd give you the best I could. Because, I can give u 1001 reasons to give me a chance but at the end of the day, all you need is just 1 reason to decide. In the mean time, I'll still stay the same and be there for you if u ever needed a shoulder to cry on or an audience to hear you out and while I'm at it I'll just focus on improving myself for the better.
