Have you ever so knowingly lied to yourself, when people asked things about you, you just said everything about you is fine?
"Are you alright?" - yeah, i'm fine.
"How have you been?" - I'm alright. Thanks for asking
"How's everything at your side?" - same old, pretty good, i guess.
"Are you still devastated by it?" - im handling things better now, cant wait to move on.
I tried to deny, deny every single fact about myself...
Most of the nights, I still wet my pillow, drenched it in tears,
Each day I kept telling myself to stand up and walk,
Each day I tried and tried to distract myself, with all kinds of means possible...
I put up a fake smile on my face,
I tell the big lie to the world about myself...
I am becoming someone I dont know anymore. I dont even know myself anymore...
I'm still quite horrified by last night's tremor...
My whole body shivers like never before...
I could barely move myself, everything felt cold and the shivering wont stop.
I can't move my body, it just kept curling up.
I then laughed at myself...It was like im on drugs...
I was realized I was seeking ecstasy and distraction to cover up all of these...
I just wished I dont even have to decide on anything, I just wished nothing changed, I just wished everything's alright.
O God, if you hear me, and if you hear me now. I need help. I am breaking down... I am losing myself. I am losing this war. If you really hear me God, please save me from this devastation. I am scared, today or one of these day will be the last day of my sanity. I don't know what more is tomorrow...I just wanna be your good son. I just wanna learn how to be like you. To love with all my heart and soul.
