Life runs in a constant circle, isn't it? No matter how detached we seem to be from on problem to the other, it would go one big circle just to put you down on your knees. Every now and then, life throws at us the same old same old situations. Eventually we deal with it the way we used to deal with it. Well usually we just choose to “end it”, well in fact they never ended. It’s just the end of one round, it would come back and haunt you again. Here I am wondering, what if we change our ways, we change our point of views and the very element that makes us, US. Would we be taken on another path? Or maybe it’s suppose to be that way? Up until we decided to reroute our way ouf life, life is just gonna loop around and fuck things up again and again.

Well, people do say, a lot has happened but you should stay the same, it’s what that makes you, you. But my friend, I’ve been as such for many years now. Are there any different based on the situations over the years? Initially we blame the people involved, then as time pasts, history seems to be repeating. It’s most probably me. In fact I would really appreciate it, to know if… I was ever the source of it all.. In each of our very life time, we all believed in love. We believe in it in our own ways. And in time, we were to be made disappointed by it. And from each time from then on, we changed. We ought to know, our methods before failed and it should not be repeated. But how far away are we to repeat it all again?

 Now I’m really wondering, is there any methods left that I’ve yet tried? Then and then, I tried to define how love should be. But should love be so defined in the first place? Back in the days, we would blindly fall for someone so far so deep, it was as if we had nothing left to lose. Up until now, all that I am left is, is fear that history were to repeat. All in all, we were bound to lose it again, like it or not. And as our concious tried to remind of such event and tries to prevent us from all these again, we tried and tried harder to protect it. As for me, I do believe that, if the person who promised to love me changed their mind and to leave me… it is most likely, my fault. I wasn’t good enough to keep their heart around. But in reality, it’s what person chooses to be for us. As hard as we could try and try. It would never be enough to please anyone. Usually in a blink of an eye, just one turning point, one change would change everything the other person wants to be for us. It’s more of a time bomb. It’s all just a matter of time.

Truth be told. I am out of methods. Getting the girl isn’t all that hard, but it’s keeping what matters most to you that’s important. From what I’ve been through, it has always been about impressing the girl. And I’ve yet to see impressing feats from a girl’s side. Other than the pysical attraction, there isnt really much to it. Well except for a few special cases, there are wonderful female friends to prove these all wrong, but that’s why, just as friends. I do wonder, as a guy, whats the point of going after a girl anymore? Well not just girls, but whats the point of being in a relationship? Other than just to fulfill the laws of nature, what’s the point anymore? It’s starting to become like a game, play and forget. None of all these make any sense anymore about love’s game. Yes, Love’s becoming a game. It’s a game people play often. On and off, on and off. One after another. As much as I would like to tag along and play with it, I am most convicted not to do it. Perhaps it still haunts me, I am still afraid that if one of them were just like good ol’Maxine, the kind of rare breed of girls that I swore, I would never ever hurt. But it just seems such people hardly exists. Perhaps such a person exists in everyone just that they tend to gave their heart to people would most likely fail to take care of it. I’ve been both, the source of the pain and also to be the one hurting. I do wonder, why are we so numb when someone who was our world, tries their best for us and yet, we were just locked up in our own stupid mentality. If only we could turn back time and treat them right than being filled with regrets once everything passed the point of no return.

As of now at this point of life, I would say that I am psychologically unfit. Perhaps a solitary life would be the best of all. Back to the good ol’ days of being a closed mind. Love continues to be the source of pain and joy for people world wide, but for me, it’s the source of self inflicting misery.